The More You No.

How did he manage to bend the BACK wheel?

Ok, here’s how I see it. We start with a shot of a park, right? All serene and whatnot. And then over the hill comes this guy on a bike in slow motion! And WHAM he crashes right into a tree. People come running and yelling and whatnot. Then you get up and start telling the guy that’s only what he gets for stealing the bike in the first place, and while you’re taking–wait for it!–the camera moves around so that now you’re TALKING TO THE PERSON WATCHING THE COMMERCIAL! Brilliant, huh?

“You came up with this yourself, right chief?”

Oh, I forgot to tell you the best part! The guy on the bike’ll be someone under sentance! Like, we’ll do a deal where we give him time off for good behavior if he’ll be in the thing and whatnot!

“…you arrange this sorta deal often?”

Now and then.

“That explains a lot. Ok, look chief, there’s a whole smorgasbord of bad idea goin on here. I don’t know if I should start with the part where any judge’ld call it cruel and unusual, the part where the script reads like it got written by Tiffany’s class on too much ritalin, or the part where the moral seems to be ‘If You Commit A Crime You Will Fling Yourself Uncontrollably Into A Solid Object.”

Aw, c’mon Fox!

“But on top of all that there’s a bigger problem.”

What now?

“I don’t do public service announcements.”

Huh. Well, ferget him. Howbout you, Max, you wanna shot at this?

Waaaaaaaaaall, I dunno, Chief, las time some a dose extras started gettin grabby, birds, ya know? I aint interested in goin through dat again. I’m out.

Dammit!

Sawry.

I look up when Max gets back to the office. “So?”

Looks like he’s either gonna have ta do it hisself, or fergit da whole ting.

“Good. Maybe now he’ll learn how humiliating it is. Because if you know what it’s like to hurt… then you can stop hurting others!”

…don do that.

“Sorry.”