Some Stream of Consciousness Crap or Something.

Alternate Universes!

I think I stepped in sumthin dead, Max groans, And I don’ think dis is the way we came in. And wouldn’ it help if maybe we turned our flashlights on?

I don’t answer, because the last five times I did answer it didn’t accomplish anything.

Dis is a freak show, Max is thinking, I’m sure, Why does every arrest we pull gotta be full of dese peanut-butter colored snakes, and octopiusses? Bet the water’s gonna fade my hatband, and I jes got it, too! We better get a bonus on dis job or I’m gonna hafta get back into some shady stuff, and Sly won’t like that. Well, who cares? I know for a fact he aint so stainless as all dat: just ask Cassie. Just ask how he pays for dat fancy-ass bourbon he drinks. And haven’t I been jumpin through hoops for dis nut long enough? I aint never gone straight for dis long at once before. And man, it meant passin’ up some sweet opportoonities… I bet Sly’s not so high and holy, he’ll let his old buddy get a little bonus where it don’t matter. And if he don’t? Ya really think you could outwit him, Max?

Shit, I think that octopus just stole my pants.

Seeing as Harry Ape is inside and looking to stay there for a good long while, somebody had to be running his business while he was away. Hence this ugly bastard, whose name I don’t remember because it doesn’t matter. When we cornered him, he ducked into a utility construction site and went down a storm sewer, and this is where we ended up.

And with my long experience of the criminal mind, I’d wager that he’s thinking something like this:

Damn coppers. Don’t let a guy mind his own business. Gotta chase him down dis damp an’ stinkin’ cave. Hope you drop dat gay-ass magnafying glass, damn gumshoe. No idea how I’m gonna get outta dis one. Even if I gave ’em the slip, I’d still be down here. Hope it didn’t get into the hat, Harry’ll kill me if I let his hat get wet. You remember what happened that time you lost da feather, you want that to happen again? Not gonna be safe in the big house, either, it’s packed with Harry’s goons. Wonder if they’ll offer me one a dose deals where you get off easy i you agree to testify against someone. What do I know dat I could testify ’bout? Well, I’ll do it, even if I gotta make it up. And den when dey break da deal and put in the slammer anyway and everyone knows I squealed?! Well?! Shit, I gotta make a break for it. Think I can duck down one of dese tunnels?

That octopus just stole ma pants.

So, ladies and gentlemen, this’d be the part where I deliver some hackneyed line about the ‘lack of objective norm’ or ‘perceptual nature of reality’ or ‘the world as seen by the criminal and the policeman is not so different,’ isn’t it? Well, keep waiting, because I don’t care. The one thing that’s always the same no matter how you look at it is this: if I come after you, I get you, and that’s it. You’re done. Doesn’t matter what else anybody sees different, how many differences there are–six or six hundred. That’s always the same.

And that’s all I care about.

The Final Word.


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