Short and Wrong and Crazy vs. Long and Right and Crazy.

Distract Him With a Hostess Fruit Pie!

“Let’s get this over with.”

I am a purveyor of delicious and delectable frozen comestibles! Children for miles around dream nightly of my chocolate bonanza pops! They swoon for my lemon ice bars! They melt for my pistachio chocolate dipped cones!

“You’re creepy.”

So it is a small wonder, it seems to me, that an accursed mountebank and verminous poltroon should by brigandry make off with some of my frozen delights! I was only minding my own business when up he comes, bold as brass, looming over me like misfortune dire! Ere I have time to do more than offer him salutations and good day, when he comes thus to the back of my cart which is to me a haven and a shrine, and the door he wrenches open! He took by violence and stealth one chocolate butterscotch swirl pop, one fruit punch fizz bomber,one lemon creamsicle, and two chocolate coated magicsicles! Two!

I write down ‘He stole five ice cream products’ as the statement, and wonder how Max is getting on interrogating the suspect.

Dere I wuz, mindin mah own bidness, when dere’s dis crazy guy an he’s throwin’ ice creams at me. So I went to catch em befores dey grew wings and flew away! And den we frolicked wit de pretty lights!

I swear, if he comes back with another statement that just says ‘Suspect was high as a kite,’ he’s gonna have some explaining to do.


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