Seriously, How Is Anyone Supposed To See That?

“Before we go in, I’ve got one question.”

All righty, Mr. Man.

“What the hell kinda name is Foo Foo? Were you named after a chinese entre?”

She sulks at me.

At least he’s not wearing a Zoot Suit this time.

Whai it’s jest so purty! I luv it!

Daw, thanks Momma, I knoo it wuz jes whut yew needed!

Yeah! When you saw it in my house, you big meanie-pants!

Her voice, being sharp enough to shave with, is more than sufficient to tear the monkeys away from their fillial affection. Whut’re yew doin here, copper? An who’s dat?

“This young… thing, says you stole her furniture.”

The mother’s eyes narrow. Whut’s yer name, lil missy?

“Trust me, you don’t want to go-”

My name is Foo Foo Cat! And you’re gonna be sorry, you big poopyhead!

They look at eachother, then at me. …Foo Foo?

“I know, anyway, she says you stole that cabinet there from her house.”

It was my Pretty Polly Pony Make-Me-Pretty Vanity, and I wan it back!

Butt owt, copper, Harry drawls, I baught dat las munth cuz I knoo Momma’s berfday wuz comin up.

I’ve had enough of your lies you big lying liar! By the time I get done wincing and making sure my eardrums aren’t bleeding, she’s got her huge, disturbing waif-eyes hastened on me like some sort of hypno-ray.

“Ok, what?”

Make him give it back! WAAAAAAAAAAH!

“Shut up!” She looks shocked. Obviously nobody’s ever spoken those words in her presence before. “I’m not gonna lock anybody up just on your say-so.” Just on my say so, sure, but not hers. “You got any evidence or anything?”

The dates on the paper!

I din use no dates! Momma’s lergic to tropical oils an froots!

If the dates on the papers are from less than a month ago, he MUST be lying! He MUST!

“Or… it just means that he didn’t paint the thing until now. Can’t see the dates, anyway, they’re printed so small.”

Qwit breakin da fourf wall, copper!  remarks Harry.

The little princess is not pleased. Just arrest him already! she shrieks, stamping her foot.

I’ve had about enough of this. “C’mon Max, nothing to see here. Happy birthday, Ma’am.”

You haven’t heard the last of me!

“Yeah!” I shout back, “I’m gonna be living in terror of Foo Foo!”

The Final Word.


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