Not ‘Sense of Humor’ So Much As ‘Vivid Halucinations.’

You must tell me how much I weigh.

“That is easy. You weigh Turkey and Cheese and Pastrami and Macaroni.”

Someone please tell me that if I knew more math this would make sense.

Someone please tell me that if I knew more math this would make sense.

“This food is problematic.”

Alas. The feather of my hat denies! But they always come back in the end.

“Sometimes there is a rainstorm. And in the rainstorm is a castle. A castle made of pancakes. That is where they are watching.”

Do you want to fly on the magical carpet and beg the potato king for forgiveness? It will cost you three billy goats gruff.

“I’ve brought my best foot floured.”

Down the road I go. I am following my fishie. La la la.

“Aloha, lady in the dress.”

Moons, know my plight. Release the game tonight, can-TRY ANYTHING YOU WANT RUN AS FAR AND AS HARD AS YOU CAN YOU CAN’T HIDE FROM USSSSSS WE ARE EVERYWHERE WE SEE EVERYWHERE EVERYWHERE YOU ARE THERE IS USSSSSSSSSS AND WE ARE COMING FOR YOUspoopie go?

“No. No! Nooooooo! Oh, I should eat a pony-”

Sly, wake da crap up!

I lurch forward in my chair, gasping. “What? What is it? What’s wrong?”

You wuz, uh, Max blinks at me, Ya fell asleep in yer chair after lunch, ya said da rain made ya drowzy, an next fing I know, yer moaning an thrashin like, uh, some moany thrashy ting! You ok?

“Yeah, fine, fine,” I mutter, scratching behind one ear. Can just barely remember some of the stuff from the dream, but it’s fading fast.

Max is looking at me like I’ve got three heads. Didja, like… get some premoanitition bout a crime er sumfin?

“I’m not a superhero.”

Waaaall, didja at least solve a mystry in yer sleep?

“Yeah,” I grumble, settling back in my chair and listening to the rain on the office window and tipping my hat forward over my eyes. “I solved the mystery of why Slylock Shouldn’t Eat Pastrami Sandwiches Right Before A Nap.”

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