Obstruction of Meme.

“No, Max, no.”

But Sly it’s effin highlarious!

“That was what you said about ‘Lobsterdance.com.’ Downright annoying.”

Downright highlarious!

“And what you said about the ‘Cowboy Looks Unsavory While Unsuitable Music Plays’ video.”

Cuz dat wuz highlarious too!

“It was boring and pointless.”

Jus give it a chaince, pleeeeeeeeeeeze?

“Ugh, fine.” Not like I’ve had a decent case since I wrapped up the nasty business with the disappearance at those public baths. Cannot believe those turned out to be legal, in the end.

Uh-

“Well?”

Sumfin goin on wit da internet connecshun.

The coordination of the the bursting in and pointing angrily evokes early Renaissance iconography, as does Count Weirdly's own use of the same gesture, all drawing the eye toward the focus of the piece, the hourglass.

“This time you’ve gone too far!”

Oh w-w-wow! I always h-hoped you’d b-b-b-b-b, er, shout that at m-me… what have I gone t-t-too far w-with?

“You blacked out half the city’s internet access!”

He blinks at the mob that was too angry to make a stop at the pitchfork and torches depot on their way over. I d-did?

It’s gotta be some kind of dastardly device!

I’m supposed to be raiding Myrmidons’ Stronghold right now!

I can’ be sendin Suzie Lee and Lardquanda and Deltrice mah Juicy Gossip!

He’s trying to steal all our important emails and sell them to China!

“One at a time, everyone!”

B-b-b-but I have an alibi! I’ve b-been out run-n-ning errands! I always t-time myself with th-th-that hourglass, and it’d j-j-just run out, so-

He must have gone out and planted it somewhere where it would affect as many servers as possible!

Beat the internet out of him!

He’s trying to steal all our important emails and sell them to China!

“Seriously people, if you’re just going to yell why did you even bring along a detective?” That buys me a second or two of confused silence. “Right. The hourglass thing is clearly not true, but then neither is the nonsense about a device, so why don’t you tell me what’s really going on?”

Uh, d-detective? He smiles at me, a little sadly, and it’s the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen. Well, second most disturbing. All my l-l-life I’ve dr-dreamed of being a supervillainous menace, of making the common folk cower in fear, of being regarded with that unique blend of awe and terror with which mortals look on a tornado, or a tsunami, or a hurricaine.

“You… stopped stuttering?”

And today I am closer then ever before. Are you really going to take that away from-

Hey Sly, I foun dah problem, Max shouts from the next room, he wuz torrentin’ ol movies in here, like fifty billion of em at once!

The crowd gives a subdued oohhhh of comprehension, and one hesitant ‘he’s trying to steal all our important emails and sell them to China?’

“Oh Weirdly, even when you really do break a serious law, it’s completely by accident, isn’t it?”

What d-do you m-mean?

“Go on home, folks, nothing to see here. You should have your internet back in a few minutes.” The mob’s anger crumples, like a leaky balloon, as they wander off. “Max, shut down the downloads.”

Already done Sly.

I j-j-just wanted to watch some old movies…

“Hey, cheer up. At least I’m really arresting you for a real crime. For once.” Something strikes me. “What’s in the bag, anyway?”

P-p-p-p-p-popc-corn.

Advertisements

About this entry