While There Is Rope Involved, There’s No Real Way To Make A Hitchcock Refference Out Of It.
“Max, you are about to be in more trouble than you have ever been before.”
But Sly I reaaaly can’t trow da flippin rope!
“If I have to get across the canyon by swimming and climbing up the other side you are not going to like the results.”
I should probably back up a little here.
It started when a Mexican Hairless barged into my office. Knocked over my hatstand. Said he was some kinda minor celebrity, and he’d tried to do the ‘upload your disgusting sex tape to the internet, pretend to be shocked and angry, then ride the waves of indignant publicity to something resembling a film career,’ trick. I was about to make a really witty remark about how he missed the critical ‘have a body that anybody in their right minds might want to look at’ step, when he says he was attacked. By a black duck.
The victim says his attacker told him that he had to go through his boss, who he called ‘King Smiley,’ and suddenly I’m all interested. That sounds just vague enough to be the man behind a smut operation with a surprisingly large body count. So I traded a promise to investigate for the location he was supposed to meet up to make a deal. Tiny camp on the coast, national park, almost deserted. Good place to make a deal.
Also a good place for a trap, turns out.
After an hour’s hike, the only thing at the camp was a blank-looking kid cooking hotdogs. After half an hour’s walk back, we found the bridge had been cut.
So why’s dey done dis? Max says.
“I think we both don’t want to wait around and find out, here-” I hold out a hand.
What’re ya- AAAAAAAAH!
Been practicing with a medicine ball lately, you see. Had a feeling being able to throw Max was gonna come in handy sooner or later.
What da CRAP Sly?
“Max, you see that eagle?”
“And that bear?”
Looks like he’s mindin his own business an not FROWIN PEOPLE OFF CLIFFS!
“And that lizard?”
Dere a point dat you’re gonna be getting to?
“Do you want to stick around and play ‘Guess Which Of These Is Really A Hired Killer?’ Could be that the surprise twist is that they ALL are!”
…Dat’s a really good point Sly, whattya want me to do?!
“Throw me the rope!”
After I watch him drag back a damp rope, I recommend he start using a medicine ball, and he responds with a few choice expletives, all of which accomplishes but little. “Ok, cast the fishing line across, then tie the rope to the line and I’ll pull it over myself.”
Think that’s where we came in.
By the time I get up over the other cliff, the lizard, bear, and eagle are all on the other side, just watching. Guess they didn’t bring guns. Smart, nothing for ballistics to trace. I give em a good look, and then I’m on my way.
This looks like the start of a very serious game.
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- September 18, 2011 / 10:53 am