That’s Exactly What I’d Expect the House of Someone Named Granny Squirrel to Look Like.
I’m in the middle of following up a couple leads on a really long case. Lots of disappearances, all of them swimmers. Poolful of kids, the son of the school district superintendent for the underwater district–though I bet most people around here are even aware that the fish have their own school district. Shoulda made a pun about that. Oh well.
Anyway, I was supposed to meet with a couple informers–crow and and a spider–when I get a call from Chief Mutt. He’s actually the lieutenant, his first name is Chief, but he’s still technically still my boss, so let’s hope I’ve got patient informers.
“Hey Mutt. So what’s the damage today?”
Whull, ah got a tip bout dis escapee, someone sawr him sneek inta dis ol’ biddy’s house.
“Is said Biddy ok?”
Sed biddy is jes fine unless she’s allergic tah pina coladas, she’s awn a crooz in Me-hi-co. Mah guess is dat he was on dah run, saw dah mail piled up an all an figgered t’would be a good place to lay low til da heat wuz off.
“Makes sense, so where in all that is something that’s got anything to do with me?”
Well he aint here is he?! Cain’t even find any sign dat he ever wuz…
Dere dere, Cheif, m an Sly’ll get da doity rat.
He’s a sparrow.
I ignore them both, which is something that I’ve had plenty of practice in, and take a good look at the house. Everything about it says ‘nutty old crone,’ and nothing says ‘escaped convict,’ so rather unfortunately it looks like I’m actually going to have to put in an effort. Was hoping to avoid that.
So wut’da doity, uh, boid do?
Corp’rate fraud. Had himself a retirement investment company, stole da nest eggs right out frum undah his clients.
Heheheh, nest egg, see, cuz he’s a boid…
You ain’t laughin, Cheif.
It ain’t funny, Max.
So he’s not what you’d call a hardened criminal, then. Which means I’m not looking for discarded drug gear, I’m looking for mistakes that a rich embezzler, fresh out of his first trip to prison would make. Like-
“The air conditioner’s was on.”
“The air conditioner’s been running lately, see the water?”
Wull, maybe da ol’ lady lef it on?
Yeah, what da mouse said.
“You can’t program these old window units,” And I would know, “you’ve either got to leave em on, or leave em off. It’s off now, and it was on earlier, which means someone was in there to turn it off.”
So where is he now?
I shrug. “That’s your problem. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a kidnapping to solve.”