Big Bad Barney Google.
“Max, have you ever heard the old police line, about being too old for this shit?”
Fink I hoid da cheif say dat one a couple times, yeah.
“Well, did it ever occur to you to wonder weather the relationship was not simple, but rather inversely proportional?”
Duz inverse mean dat we shood be callin vice squad?
“No. I mean, does the amount of shit that there is determine how old you have to be to be too old for this shit?”
I wouldn’ know.
“No, I didn’t think you would. The point is, I think I’ve discovered the exact quantity required, relative to my age.”
Yew gon’ arrest dis heah maniac or’re yew gonna sit dere talkin bout shit all day?
“I’m still on the fence on that one, Ma’am. Why don’t you run the scenario by me again, help me make up my mind.”
Dis heah dirty wuff done trampled daown mah flowah bed! He sez he bin readin all day but dat aint nuttin but a pile o corn crabs in a undercroft!
“Which I’m sure means something.”
Shewt, y’all, I jes bin sittin in da shade readin a lovely bit a litrachure-
See?! See?! He caint have been sittin in da shade all day cuz da shade aint bin dere all day has it and dat PROVES he done trampled mah flowahs!
Shewt, Jessie-bell, dis is abowt mah standin yew up at da cotillion ball tah go down to the fishin hole?
Ah had to walk across dat floor all alone in fron a dah eyes o mah neighbors!
Maybe if all yers neighbors were’n all so high an moighty as da queen of sheba yer beau would’n be so dead set gainst goin to a dance wif em!
“Well, I’m off the fence. You two have a nice day.”
So Sly, how does dat amount of shit rate accordin to yer age?
“Not sure yet. I’m sure I’ll get plenty of opportunity for further observations.”
How old is youze, anyways?
“Shut up Max.”